A Mother Wound

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My children~

you have created a mother from a girl

demanded everything I am.

And I came willing

turned myself inside out to find enough to give you.

My mind, my heart, my will, my strength was needed

every moment from that first piercing cry~~you needed.

I searched and found a love to give you, to feed you, to keep you.

In a broken heart I found it beating

and gave it all, not retreating

left my walls and dropped my guard

because you needed.

my life was needed

I was defeated

by the innocence

those tiny fingers and chubby feet

You touched me

In the dark you found me

turned on a light inside me

I built my world around you.

Through all your years I stumbled, fell and struggled.

Lacking strength and wisdom

running in the dark,

I tumbled,

dropped the ball and bumbled

But my heart beat on in wonder

at the wonder of you~and all you could do.

Your eyes they sparkled

set my heart on fire

they’ve undone me

You are my child

from your life’s first moment

I adored you,

gave my heart right to you,

loved that I knew you.

You were my sunshine in the rain

I dared the world to to hurt you

stood against the storm that came near you

Heard the thunder,

felt the pain,

knew the lightning when it came

I tried to save you.

fought against it all to keep you

didn’t see how much it hurt you

wanted to protect you

but lost the battle…

on my knees I watched as it broke you

swept you out beyond my grasp

I watched you tumble

my heart went under

ripped asunder.

An empty quiet sits inside me.

Where are my babies?

Don’t they need me?

Oh relieve me

my mother heart is weeping.

I once was everything you needed

I thought you loved me

The story in my head was different

from the one I’m hearing.

I was less than you needed

all my efforts are found lacking

and I see your faces

so familiar

and your eyes accusing

and your words are searing

and my heart is breaking

as you pull away forever

~~no longer needed

Just an empty hull

as my child emerges

grows wings and separates completely

I stand there bleeding

beyond repair

my soul despairs

my heart laid bare.

A mother wound is precious

I can still see your impression

where you laid upon my heart

and where I loved you.

You are gone now

but I still hold you

in my heart I see you

Those eyes that sparkled when you saw me

loved me

when I was your world.

I ask forgiveness

not of you, but of God

I had six idols whom I worshiped

not on purpose

but no excuses

As I emerge from beneath the surface

Gasp for air and then release it

God forgive me

and I thank you.

you let me have them

to love and know them

forever changed, I gave them

good and bad

I laid my heart before them

and how I loved them.

@2017 belinda

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