So much of the time I want to act humble. I get discouraged when I act out of hurt pride. When I don’t hold my tongue. When I take the low road. I am left wishing that I could just hold it together and behave in a humble way. I want to look humble.
This week I am seeing it in a different light. I want to BE humble. The effort involved in acting humble is exhausting. And really, what’s the point? It is just my pride’s best effort to appear…what?….mature…put together…acceptable…better than someone else? In the light of God’s Truth that looks pretty bad. My sin nature works in overdrive pushing me to appear to be something that I am not by my own ineffectual efforts.
But this week, I said unkind, critical words to my daughter in the name of exhorting. I spoke about someone behind their back. I harbored resentment and wished fervently that the person in the car that passed me on the right at 90 mph would be pulled over by the police so that I could drive by with a triumphant, smug feeling wrapped around me. My heart issues in the car are no joke. I have been proud, not in a good way. I have focused on myself above others. I’ve thought more highly of myself than I ought.
Too hard on myself you say? Well, maybe except that God is shining His light on my heart even as my flesh squirms nervously in the brightness. Sin longs for the cover of darkness. I am not feeling down on myself or questioning my place in eternity with Christ. I am leaning in desperately to the Truth. I want to BE humble for real. To love people from a pure heart, a good conscience and a sincere faith. 1 Timothy 1:5
Romans 3:23 All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Amen. Romans 8:1, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Amen.
I am working out my salvation in fear and trembling. The good kind. Walking out my salvation if you will. Acting humble or good or Christian is too much work. I believe that I will let the Holy Spirit create in me a clean heart as I yield to His correction. We have this treasure in earthen vessels…humble vessels…so that the glory is all His.