The Truth Hurts…but in a good way


So much of the time I  want to act humble. I get discouraged when I act out of hurt pride. When I don’t hold my tongue. When I take the low road. I am left wishing that I could just hold it together and behave in a humble way. I want to look humble.

This week I am seeing it in a different light. I want to BE humble. The effort involved in acting humble is exhausting. And really, what’s the point? It is just my pride’s best effort to appear…what?….mature…put together…acceptable…better than someone else?  In the light of God’s Truth that looks pretty bad. My sin nature works in overdrive pushing me to appear to be something that I am not by my own ineffectual efforts.

But this week, I said unkind, critical words to my daughter in the name of exhorting. I spoke about someone behind their back. I harbored resentment and wished fervently that the person in the car that passed me on the right at 90 mph would be pulled over by the police so that I could drive by with a triumphant, smug feeling wrapped around me. My heart issues in the car are no joke. I have been proud, not in a good way. I have focused on myself above others. I’ve thought more highly of myself than I ought.

Too hard on myself  you say? Well, maybe except that God is shining His light on my heart even as my flesh squirms nervously in the brightness. Sin longs for the cover of darkness. I am not feeling down on myself or questioning my place in eternity with Christ. I am leaning in desperately to the Truth. I want to BE humble for real. To love people from a pure heart, a good conscience and a sincere faith. 1 Timothy 1:5

Romans 3:23 All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Amen. Romans 8:1, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Amen.

I am working out my salvation in fear and trembling. The good kind. Walking out my salvation if you will.  Acting humble or good or Christian is too much work. I believe that I will let the Holy Spirit create in me a clean heart as I yield to His correction. We have this treasure in earthen vessels…humble vessels…so that the glory is all His.


I can let go


Looking up at the limbs of  the autumn  trees whose leaves have mostly fallen I see the gray sky with wispy white clouds reflecting the last of the sunset.  I watch the remaining leaves still holding to the limb waiting for the wind to finally separate them from the life they have always known.  Thoughts of my past come to my mind. They are not the thoughts of anger and regret. They are no longer filled with deep emotion, but calm like the leaves above me. I am surprised at the peace in the memories that once held such pain. Where self-pity fed and shame had ruled, I find a gentle quiet.

A season in my life has passed. God has done what He said He would. As I have trusted in His Word, He has given me that peace that surpasses understanding. It now guards my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7) So we do not lose heart. Though the outer self is  wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16)

My life is in Him, not in my past. I can let go. I can surrender to the season trusting that His life abides in me.  We have a future to prepare for. Winter, Summer and Spring will bring their challenges, their beauty and their change. I will remain in Him. I will not fear the changes because He is with me. He has conquered my past and made my heart glad. I can look to the future and smile. (Proverbs 31:25)



When I feel separated from the presence of God…

when I begin to cast about in my soul for His steady faithful grace…

but still feel alone,

I open my eyes knowing surely that His truth is constant

knowing full well that He will never leave me

or forsake me.

So,  it must be showtime…

Time to walk by faith–time to show the prowling lion outside my door who I belong to.

And how deeply goes the love of my Father.

I am my beloved’s and He is mine. His banner over me is love.

He has saved me to the uttermost.

I belong to Him no matter what. No matter how I feel.

I run toward the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus.

I turn my heart to His Word–

Living, Active, Sharper than any two-edged sword.

I set my heart there…open, willing, exposed for the working of regeneration and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

He is able to separate and cut through all that concerns me. To separate the truth from lies, the darkness from light.

For so great a cloud of witnesses I will show forth the glory of God. For all number of prowling lions at my door–they will see the greatness of my God, Who saved a wretch like me. Who, while I was yet a sinner, He died for me. According to His own mercy, He saved me.





Lord God You hold me.

You carry me with grace,

strengthen me in love,

fill me with wonder.

You surround me with cords woven in truth–in sacrifice–in fire.

You are my firm foundation, my stronghold, my refuge.

My foot is sure, unwavering, on the rock of my salvation.

Though the winds blow and the storms come day and night,

I will not fail…I cannot…for You are with me.

My life is hidden in You and You have no rival–no equal.

I am Yours.


The struggle with addiction can bring the strongest to their knees. Love for our addict can takes us where we never wanted to go. ASK is a documentary that speaks from the heart with unprotected honesty. Hear from people who have lost themselves to addiction and the ones who follow them into the darkness as they share their stories of weakness, longing, despair and the path that led them to freedom. Addicts tell us what they were feeling and thinking when they took their first steps into losing control of their lives. Family members tell of the mistakes they made trying to rescue the ones they love. ASK gives a powerful view into the mind of an addicted person. Where did their choices take them? How did they get into the maze of addiction and is there really a way out? Watch this film to find the answers they discovered as they interviewed over 50 people, who openly reveal their experiences and bravely shine the light of understanding into the murky waters of addiction.


When Springs Run Dry


I remember the time when I was taking medication to help me through a difficult emotional trauma. I was taken aback when I stood in church during worship and felt nothing. No emotion at all.

Normally, for me worship was amazing. I could feel the love of God resting heavily around me. My heart danced in His presence. But that day. Nothing. Empty. No feeling.

In that moment, I had a conversation with myself. I knew that God deserved my worship and praise. I realized that my feelings weren’t necessary in order for me to worship God. I could worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

So I did. I worshiped Him because He was God, not because it made me feel good. It was a sacrifice of praise to my God. After a time, I was able to discontinue the medication and now I have my ability to worship with my emotions.

The lesson I learned during that desert time helped me grow deeper in my knowledge of God and mature in my walk with Him.

Lately I’ve been having a similar experience. I feel the joy lift off of my heart and I see the world in its darkness. I see the God of the Old Testament in His Holiness and jealousy and demand for perfection. I experience the fear of the Lord.

I believe that God wants me to grow up into the fullness of Christ, weaning me away from constant dependence on good feelings. Maybe He is leading me into spiritual maturity and training me to stand no matter what I feel.

My faith is not dependent upon feelings, but on God’s unchanging nature and the Great love poured out for me through His Son, Jesus. Thankfully, His word is full of promise for us. “In His presence, the fullness of Joy” “Pleasures at His right hand forever” “The joy of the Lord is my strength”

When I was a teenager, I memorized this poem:

“I thank Thee, Lord

for pilgrim days,

when desert streams were dry.

When first I knew

what depths of need

Thy love could satisfy.”

It is in the desert that I learn of my need for Him and for that I will always love the desert.


Took a vacation to the Grand Canyon last week. I had such a great time. I couldn’t stop smiling. The beauty and grandeur of it all took my breath away. The power of the wind coming up over the canyon was pure joy. The temperatures were between 59 and 82 degrees F. I couldn’t have been happier.  My husband, my two youngest children, my daughter-in-law and one of my granddaughters traveled with me. In a car, in a train, in buses…in hotel rooms, truck stops and restaurants we were together. We walked up to a volcano, down into an ice cave. We took photos at the edge of steep cliffs, sat on petrified trees and peered down into a meteor crater.

While Jerry drove, I read aloud from one of the books that I am reading, “Boundaries” by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. They were explaining what a boundary was by comparing it to our body’s boundary of skin. Like skin, our emotional boundaries protect us from harmful things while letting in what we need to live.  That visual stuck with me during our trip. When one of my family members had an emotional moment, I began to feel the anxiety rise in me. The picture of my skin came to mind and I stopped. My emotions stop at my own skin. Those feelings aren’t mine. I was able to let her have her feelings without letting it get “under my skin”.

My ability to stay within my own boundaries freed me to fully live in the moment during all of the beautiful encounters with God’s creation.  When I struggled with emotions of my own, I was able to keep them where they belonged. Me and the Holy Spirit took a moment and I was able to move forward without anyone else knowing about it. Some people might already know how to do this but for me it is a revelation. I am thankful for the wisdom. God uses visual aids all throughout the Bible to help us grasp the meaning of His Word. He is so creative. He formed the mountains, carved out the valleys and He mapped out every fiber of my being.